Torn: Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Still don’t own Twilight…stupid disclaimers.

What am I supposed to do

When the best part of me is you and

What am I supposed to say

When I’m all choked up and you’re ok

--"Breakdown”-- Script

Chapter 10: Hurting Me Again

Three days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen Quil. Two days since we’ve spoken. We have never been apart this long. It feels like my life is repeating itself and playing some horrific cosmic joke on me. One that I definitely don’t find funny. Is there something wrong with me where I just drive people away?

Friday was…perfect. I was falling in love with Quil and I wish right now more than anything I could tell him. I figured Saturday when he cancelled plans it had to do with him being sick. He wasn’t feeling well Friday when he brought me home. Kind of like how Jake had felt ill after the movies.

That thought brought another round of dread. I couldn’t lose Quil too.

My mind was made up, after school I was going to La Push and I was going to see Quil. If he’s sick then I will bring him comfort food and take care of him, but he’s not getting rid of me.

Angela had apparently taken notice of my anxious demeanor and stopped me in the hall on our way to second period.

“I’ll tell you at lunch, Ang. Promise.” She nodded and we went our separate ways to class. I barely paid attention to the English lesson or the History one that followed. Talking to Angela could help. Maybe should could help calm my nervous… and give me an outside perspective to my situation.

Come lunch time I rushed to the cafeteria, grabbed a lemonade and a bag of chips, and plopped myself down at our usual table. Angela came in not two minutes later to get her own food. My knee was bouncing up and down rapidly as I munched on a chip.

“How many cups of coffee did you have this morning?” she joked, taking her seat next to mine.

I finished a sip of my drink before responding, “I’m ready to talk.” I knew she would know what I meant without explaining. Angela wasn’t one for gossip but I considered her the closest girl friend I had and I knew she would be curious about my date.

“About Quil?” she questioned.

I nodded. I was still trying to form the words in my head for this conversation so she continued, “How was your date on Friday?”

My face broke out in a huge cheeky smile. “That good huh?” she laughed.

“It was….it was perfect,” I sighed, finally finding my words. Angela gave me a knowing look. “I think I’m in love with him.” The pizza she had been about to take another bite of was slowly set back down.

“I’m happy for you,” she stated simply with a thoughtful look about her. I shot her a questioning glance.

“When Edward,” she paused briefly to gauge my reaction before continuing. Satisfied I wasn’t going to break down at his name she continued, “When Edward left it was like I lost my friend. You were barely here with us Bella and I missed you. We all did. I’m happy you’ve come back to us and even happier to hear you’ve found someone that brings you back to life like this.”

I let her words sink in for a moment. I didn’t realize how much I had affected my friends from school. Jake coming into my life a couple months ago was just what I needed. He helped me get my life back and began piecing together what was left of my heart. But the time I had spent with Quil had healed the last bit of me that was needed in order to move on in my life. I felt horribly guilty again for treating Angela the way I had. I was no better than Jake and the way he was treating Quil and I.

“I didn’t want to make you feel bad Bella. I’m just glad you’re back. Now tell me more about Quil!” We shared a comforting smile before I began to describe our date in detail, including the amazing kiss. Our other friends had sat down with us but were busy with their own conversations. I told Angela about how Quil cancelled our plans Saturday and then didn’t answer the phone yesterday.

“I’m sure it’s nothing serious Bella. Maybe he is just confused too. But if he is sick it wouldn’t hurt to check on him; make sure he’s ok.”

“Thanks Ang.” She was always great at reassuring me.

xXx

Once again I was the first one out of the school when the bell rang. Even more surprising, I didn’t trip on my way to the parking lot either. I wanted to go home and make some soup for Quil in case he really was sick.

It took me fifteen minutes to get the ingredients for chicken noodle soup and get back in the truck. I wanted to make it at his house so it would be fresh and warm for him.

Instinctively I drove my truck down the turn off to La Push, driving down the familiar roads and pulling up in front of Quil’s house to park. I sat there for a few moments just staring at it, trying to calm my nerves. This is not like it was with Jake, I chanted it over and over in my head.

Finally I stepped out of the cab of my truck and onto the driveway, grabbing my bag of stuff. My feet shuffled along the driveway, carrying me towards the front door. I quickly lifted my fist to knock. Usually I would just walk in but for some reason I didn’t feel comfortable doing so today.

No answer. This is not like it was with Jake…my mind chanted again. I knocked again a little harder.

No answer.

Now knots had taken a permanent residence in my stomach. I was considering leaving right then and there but instead took the bag of food back to the truck on my way to the beach. This was where I saw him the first day we became friends. It was a long shot, but maybe he would be there today.

Luck was on my side, if not in a twisted sort of way when I came upon the beach front. Walking out of the trees was Quil. I was crossed between the excitement of seeing him and the hurt that he was fine and hadn’t called me. That’s when I saw the other five boys filing out behind him; all six were glaring in my direction. I was immediately filled with anger and fury. Sam was not about to take another friend away from me!

My feet marched in their direction and I thanked god for letting me not trip. “What the hell Quil?” I practically screamed. He just kept staring at me with indifference. I took a moment to look him over. He looked different…more like Jacob had the last time I saw him. All six were dressed in next to nothing, just a pair of cut offs on each of them. My eyes raked over Quil’s muscular chest to take in the differences that were vastly apparent from when we took our last swim together. “Are you not going to be friends with me now either?!” I demanded.

“No.” It was a firm and simply stated answer. Only one word. My eyes began to tear over but I quickly blinked them away.

“Why?” At least my voice sounded stronger than I felt. He looked behind him at Sam who nodded before leading the other boys, including Jacob, away. Once the guys were gone he turned to face me once again.

“I can’t explain it to you. Just know I was wrong about Jake and Embry. It’s better if you leave now please.” His expression continued to remain indifferent as did his voice. But I could see his eyes betraying him.

I shook my head. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do. Leave Bella.” I shook my head again.

“You’re gonna have to say it Quil.” I squared my shoulders and jaw, preparing myself for his words.

His eyes narrowed. “I can’t be your friend anymore.” My lip quivered for a second before I lifted my chin defiantly and reigned in my emotions to stare him down. He just narrowed his eyes more at me and turned away.

“I love you,” I whispered once he was nearly out of eyesight.

xXx

Laying in my bed that night I finally allowed myself break down. Vague memories of getting into my truck and coming home flitted through my mind. I hardly recalled making dinner or talking to Charlie. My hair was wet so I knew I had taken a shower as well.

Anyone I ever loved or cared about left me. I once again wondered what I had done so wrong to be put through so much. I fell asleep to these thoughts before the nightmares invaded my sleep once again.