Torn: Chapter 5

When Jacob ignores Bella in New Moon she develops a friendship with Quil. They become close and then he too makes the change into a werewolf. What will happen in this Quil/Bella/Jacob triangle?

Title: Torn

Rating: T

Penname: Katbug86

Characters: Bella & Quil Jr.

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight!


An: Another edited masterpiece by the lovely Buff82. There is A LOT added to this chapter since it was previously very short. Enjoy.

Chapter 5: Losing Her

JPOV

Ten days. That’s how long it had been since I last spoke to my best friend, the girl who held my heart and didn’t even know it, Bella Swan.
Seeing her the day before on the beach and being unable to speak to her broke my heart just a little more.

Memories of our time together over the last two months began to play on a reel in my mind—motorcycles, movies, warm soda, hiking—each vision harder to bear than the one before it. Bella and I holding hands, Bella and I lying side by side on the couch, her beautiful blush, the feel of her soft skin under my fingertips when I’d touch her cheek.

I was beginning to shake so badly, battling with my inner self to not just close the distance between us and embrace her. But instead, Sam noticed my quivering and asked me to follow him into the woods and away from the personal hell in front of me.

Everything had spiraled completely out of control. My life was no longer my own. I was still having trouble reconciling with that fact. When things started changing—when I started changing-- I had no clue it would extend beyond the bounds of my physical metamorphosis. As scary and indescribable as that was—it didn’t come close to the most pain staking consequence of it all. I had to walk away from the one thing I wanted most.

Bella and I were just beginning to click. I could see it in her eyes, she had begun to look at me differently, but she just wouldn’t let herself see it. She was coming around, back to the Bella I knew before that leech touched her life and stole her fire. I could kill him for what he did to her. He put out the brightest flame I had ever known, but I was thrilled to see it flicker, smoldering back to life.

Every moment I spent with her I felt our connection grow and deepen. And then it all ended. I was told I had to walk away willingly—and for what? So I could protect our people against those bloodsuckers? Once again Edward’s presence, his mere existence, took from me my only desire.

I couldn’t fault Sam for making the order that he did, but it didn’t stop me from hating him for it. He had commanded that I was to stay away from Bella, stop all contact. I wasn’t to speak to her again. When he uttered those words I felt like he had ripped my heart from my chest, pulling all of the air from my lungs with it. The pain was more crippling than the physical change I’d endured.

Sam was the last person I wanted to see at that moment, he was the reason I couldn’t go to her in the first place. I was bound to oblige his command, as he was the alpha, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Then, to make the situation even worse, I had to hear her voice…that sweet angelic quiet voice I loved…but it sounded all wrong. The hurt and pain that was prominent when she called out my name was nearly my undoing—the sound was too close to the anguish I’d heard in her voice when she thought of Him.

It took every bit of my will power to keep my eyes focused on Sam’s retreating figure and follow soundlessly after him with the rest of the pack following behind. I heard Quil try to comfort her. It hurt me even more that she needed comfort from someone else other than me. And even more to know I was the cause of that discomfort.

Quil—he was a whole other reason I was so angry and bitter over my current state. Poor guy just didn’t deserve what was happening to him either, losing his two closest friends without any explanation whatsoever. Every time Embry and I had to give him the cold shoulder it broke us both.
Having each other for support was the only thing holding us together sometimes.

I saw in his mind how hard it was for Embry when he first made the change, how guilty he felt over his sudden departure from our lives. And while I was beyond happy at having one of my friends back, I wasn’t sure the cost of getting him back was worth the loss of two others. With each passing thought my shaking increased.

My anger was fueled by countless thought that thundered through my mind, all circulating around one central point—Bella.

A promise had been made that I would never hurt her. That I would never do to her what He did. Yet there I was, turning away, leading her to wonder what she had done wrong. How I wanted to shout that it was entirely my fault, that I was the freak. I was disgusted with myself, disgusted with the world for dealing such a cruel hand of fate. Angry tears brimmed my narrowed lids as I walked slowly toward the dark looming forest before me.

The minute I hit the tree line, I phased. The guys knew better than to mess with me right then, the hatred and self-loathing building up inside me. They left me to sort my inner demons, keeping my thoughts my own for the time being.

***

There I was running patrol with Embry along the border, trying not to dwell on the absence of Bella from my life. Stupid red-headed bloodsucker had been giving us the run around for days, irritating the hell out of me every single damn time we locked on a fresh trail only to have it lead to nowhere. It was like she could see an invisible line in the trees showing exactly where the border began.

“You ok man?” Embry’s voice flooded my thoughts.

“Not really.” Figured I’d be honest since he’d be able to see if I was lying anyway.

Embry took a moment before responding. “You know why you can’t see her, right?” He asked quietly. I knew he was afraid of my reaction, but he felt the need to say it nonetheless.

“Yeah, yeah. All that crap about possibly hurting her if I lose control. I would never lose control with Bella!” I all but screamed at him in my head.

“I understand, but is it a chance you’re really willing to take?” I knew he had me there; I’d never risk hurting her.

“No. It’s not,” I conceded. I was also aware of how I had been driving the guys crazy with my thoughts of Bella. Sam had all but ordered me to stop of several occasions. It wasn’t like I meant to think of her all the time, I just couldn’t help it.

“We understand. It’s just a bit much at times,” Embry thought quietly, trying not to intrude on my rant too much. I didn’t respond and, instead, continued on sniffing for any fresh trails.

We made one more loop around the border before we ended our rounds. I took my anger out on the earth as I pounded my heavy paws into the ground. Running hard and fast, exerting myself to the limit. Embry had already phased back and was heading home when I heard laughter coming from the cliffs nearby. A light breeze filtered past me, and that’s when I caught her scent. All fresh and flower smelling…Bella.

I changed course and ran for the beach, stopping just before the end of the tree line so as to remain hidden. I phased back, pulling on my cut off shorts, and looked out from between the branches.

There she was getting ready to throw herself off the cliff into the waters below. She looked absolutely beautiful standing there in her shorts and t-shirt. She looked beautiful in anything. Her long hair was pulled back but still flowing out and away from her in the slight breeze.

I watched as she took a few running steps and then launched herself off the edge. Part of me was terrified she would hurt herself, and part of me was in awe at how brave she was just then. I battled a bit with myself over going to check to make sure she was alright or staying was I was for when— or if— she came back. I decided to stay and wait.

It wasn’t long before her laughter was heard again. I internally smiled at how beautiful it sounded. Then I heard a deeper laugh come from the same direction. I recognized it immediately…Quil. But what was Quil doing with my Bella?

I moved along the trees to get a better look at where they were. Seemed Bella decided to sit at the beach, legs stretched out in front of her, looking as perfect as ever. Quil was in the water splashing around, and Bella was laughing at his childish behavior. I felt my heart ache a little at watching them be at ease with one another. I would have loved nothing more than to spill all my secrets to her in that moment.

I continued watching for over an hour as Bella remained seated on the sand, following Quil with her gaze as he continued his jumping. It took every ounce of self control I had in me to not go to her then. I just had to sit there in the dark cover of the forest watching her like some kind of freakish stalker.

After Quil made the last jump and talked to Bella for a moment they got up to leave, heading towards the trail traveling back up the cliffs. I watched as Bella fumbled her way across the rocks; some things will never change. But when she tripped the last time and I saw Quil’s hands reach out and grab her waist, I couldn’t help the instinctive growl that came from my throat. She paused for moment as if she heard me, and I cursed myself for my jealousy. However, she just continued on her way after half a second more.

I knew it was stupid to be jealous. I mean, it was only Quil, and he knew how I felt about Bella. I tried to be the best friend I could be to her, trying not to push her, and always taking things slow. The past week and a half had been hell knowing the she probably thought I hated her when it was just the complete opposite. Still, she should know the truth with all the times I’d tried to make my feelings known. Part of me was only jealous because it hurt to see her so carefree and relaxed with someone else.

Someone who wasn’t me.

Once again I cursed what I had become. It had been torture, forcing me to stay away from Bella. Reluctantly, I started across the beach back to my home once I heard the familiar roar of an old Chevy truck making its way down the road in the opposite direction.

That wasn’t the last time I saw Quil and Bella together. They seemed to have forged a friendship of sorts with each other, and I couldn’t decide whether to be happy or upset about that fact. On one hand, two of my best friends had found someone when I couldn’t be there for either one of them.
But on the other hand, the selfish part of me didn’t want anyone else replacing my role in Bella’s life.

From patrols I had figured out that Bella’s presence at Quil’s house was a regular occurrence. And I gathered from Quil’s lack of time on the reservation meant that he was spending more time at Bella’s house as well.

It was exactly a week after Bella and my ‘encounter’ as I had come to call it, that I noticed something had changed between the two of them. I could probably tell you the exact moment, because it would forever be etched in my memory.

I saw them both sitting down at the beach, her hand engulfed in his, each with a content smile on their faces. It hurt to see him touching her like that, but it wasn’t what pained me the most. It was the look in her eyes—I could see it from perfectly from my place in the trees even, Love.