When Jacob ignores Bella in New Moon she develops a friendship with Quil. They become close and then he too makes the change into a werewolf. What will happen in this Quil/Bella/Jacob triangle?
Title: Torn
Rating: T
Penname: Katbug86
Characters: Bella & Quil Jr.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
And I can't really tell you what I'm going to do
There are so many thoughts in my head
There are two roads to walk down
And one road to choose
So I'm thinking over the things that you've said
I'm thinking over the things.
-"Thinking Over"—Dana Glover
Chapter 23: Choices
It had been fiery, passionate, and I had enjoyed every second of it until the sound of a wolf's howl broke us apart. That's when reality took over the Jake induced haze that was my mind.
The howl that had pierced the air and halted Jake and I's intimate moment still rung in my ears—I knew something was wrong. Very wrong.
My heart clenched and ached with guilt over my betrayal to Quil. One way or another he would know what happened between Jake and me and would be hurt because of it. Even if we hadn't discussed the exact state of our relationship, it was known that he and I held deep feelings for one another and he had done nothing to deserve this kind of distrust from me.
I stood to look out briefly after Jake had suddenly disappeared from my room before returning to sit in the center of my bed with my knees drawn up to my chest. He was outside, pacing back and forth under my window, standing guard I assumed.
On top of my guilt, my body was riddled with worry that they might have found Victoria. The thought was terrifying for what it could mean for the pack. I had seen vampire strength first hand and while each of them assured me that they were all more than capable of taking on a vampire, I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me. It would crush me.
So I sat and waited for Jake to return to tell me what was happening; all the while contemplating how to deal with my now ever conflicting feelings between my two best friends. I knew now that I had kissed Jake that my feelings for him were not those of strictly friendship.
My heart was being tugged in two different directions and I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go.
Another howl rung in the air and I shot up in my bed at the sound. I must have dozed off sometime during the night despite my stress and worry. The sky was showing the beginnings of daylight so I must not have been sleeping long. My clock showed it was just after five in the morning.
More howls sounded. They were eerie, saddened, and if I hadn't of thought something was wrong before—I knew now.
A small thud caught my attention and I looked to see Jacob had returned. His face was serious and upset and I immediately felt a knot of dread twist in my stomach.
"Jacob, just tell me. I know something's wrong," I pleaded to him while trying to shove aside the panicking sensation that was building in my chest.
He remained quiet, shuffling over to take a seat beside me on the bed. His eyes remained on his lap, avoiding my own. This was bad.
"You're scaring me. Just tell me," my voice took on a more frantic tone.
"It was Victoria," he said without emotion. "We killed her," he continued before I had the chance to respond.
Relief visibly flooded out of me and I immediately relaxed. The threat on my life was over. My relaxed state, however, was brief as I took in Jake's still tensed up form.
"Is everyone alright?" I asked in a rush.
"No." My entire body became rigid. His didn't elaborate and left me with the one question I didn't want to ask, but I knew I had to.
"Did someone…. Did someone die?"
His face finally rose to lock eyes with mine. "No." I sighed in relief.
"Who's hurt?" I whispered, but somehow I felt as if I already knew.
"Quil," he answered, confirming my thoughts. His voice was so soft I almost didn't hear him and he turned his head to the side to look away from me.
I suddenly felt the room sway. I gasped for air and Jacob's body went slightly out of focus as my vision blurred in front of me.
I was fairly certain that I was having a panic attack.
Jacob was still talking to me, but I wasn't hearing a word that was said. Instead, I sat there trying to regulate my breathing as the same words repeated over and over in my head:
Quil was hurt.
And it was All. My. Fault.
If I hadn't been selfish and stayed with Edward when I shouldn't have then Victoria wouldn't have been anywhere near Forks. She wouldn't have gotten close to Quil and he wouldn't have been injured. But it did happen and I'm to blame.
"Take me to him," I demanded as I jumped suddenly to my feet, startling Jacob in the process.
"Bella, what about Charlie?" he tried to reason with me. "He doesn't even know I'm here and how are you going to explain driving to La Push at five-thirty in the morning?"
I knew he was right, that I had to wait until Charlie woke up and I could find some excuse for my early morning outing. "I need to see him," my voice broke in a hoarse whisper and I could feel the tears begin to prick at my eyes.
"He's going to be ok." Jacobs warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest and allowing me to shed my tears against his heated skin. "We heal fast, remember?" I nodded, just praying and hoping that Jacob was right.
Quil would heal, but then I would have to break him all over again by admitting what I had done. I wasn't sure if I had the strength to do it.
Jacob left fifteen minutes later when we heard sounds coming from the room across the hall, alerting us that Charlie was waking up. He kissed me on the forehead with promises to call me first thing when Quil woke up.
Charlie left for work an hour later and no sooner had he walked out the door than the phone rang.
I don't think I'd ever driven to La Push faster than I did that morning. My truck protested the entire way, but I was unrelenting—I had to see Quil, now.
They were keeping him at Sam's house and Jacob was waiting for me out front when I arrived. He seemed just as tense as he had earlier, causing me to wonder just how bad Quil really was. I focused on my breathing to keep myself from enduring another panic attack, taking Jacob's hand as he offered it to me.
He didn't say a word; he just led me into the house where the entire pack was gathered in the tiny living room. Emily could be seen just inside the kitchen cooking for them as usual. The only person I didn't see was Sam, but I assumed he must be in the room with Quil.
Jacob pulled me towards a short hallway and I could see Sam exiting from the last door on the right. He nodded in our direction before walking past us to join Emily and the guys. I stared at the door, knowing Quil was just on the other side.
I looked to Jacob who just released my hand and began to turn away. "You're not coming in?" I asked him.
"No, I think it's best you see him on your own this time," he answered.
My voice came out as a small whisper, "Okay."
"Oh, and Bella?" he stopped me before I turned the door knob.
"Yeah?"
"Whatever you decide…. I'm still going to be your best friend." My head shot up to look at his face and I could see the sincerity of his words. The love he felt for me still shined, but I could tell that he meant he would be there for me—even if I didn't choose to be with him the way he wanted me to.
"Thank you Jake."
He turned back towards the living room and I waited until he was at the end of the hall before taking a deep breath and opening the door.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. There, on the bed, was Quil. His left arm and leg had been casted and bruises covered the rest of him. It looked like he had broken one entire side of his body. I could feel my stomach churn unpleasantly at the sight of him looking so… defenseless.
"Oh my god," I breathed, eyes wide as I continued to stare.
"I look like shit don't I?"
It was then that I realized Quil was awake and he was staring right back at me with an amused look on his face. The small joke lightened the mood minutely and I managed to crack a slight smile.
He returned the smile briefly before it disappeared just as quickly, leaving me to wonder if I'd imagined seeing it at all. His face turned to a frown as he looked away from me and focused his gaze intently on the wall.
I saw a small chair situated next to the bed and took a seat, wringing my hands nervously. There was no way I could keep what happened to myself, but I couldn't very well tell him until he was entirely healed either. It just wouldn't be fair.
My eyes wandered across his damaged body and I swallowed back the bile threatening to rise in my throat as I took him in. When I reached his face, Quil was looking at me, his frown deepened, and he reached for the blankets, pulling them up until I could no longer see his lower half.
I dropped my head to stare at my lap. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "so, so sorry." Tears pricked my eyes and I rapidly blinked them away, unwilling to let myself cry. I didn't deserve to do so.
"For what?" he asked. The question seemed innocent enough, but there was an edge to it that I didn't understand. I looked up to look at Quil's eyes, to try and understand, but he wasn't looking at me any longer, he was staring at that same spot on the wall across the room.
"For everything," I stated while still watching him, meaning it for both his injuries given to him by Victoria and also for the betrayal to him that he had yet to know about.
I could see him visibly tense which only confused me further. Did he blame me for it all too? He should; I know I do.
"Does it hurt?" It was a stupid question to ask, but I asked it anyway. I was being masochistic, wanting to know how much damage I had caused him.
"Yes. The doc gave me some morphine, but it keeps burning off because of my body -temperature," he explained in a flat, emotionless voice.
"Oh," I answered lamely. The atmosphere felt awkward, a feeling I wasn't used to in the presence of Quil.
We sat in uncomfortable silence for several minutes before Quil spoke, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper, "I saw you."
"Excuse me?" I asked, my brows furrowed in confusion.
I watched his throat constrict as he swallowed thickly. "Through the window, I saw you….and Jake," he finished.
My eyes widened in alarm. He had seen us. He had seen us on my bed… kissing… My cheeks flushed in both embarrassment and the memory of Jake's lips on mine. He continued speaking before I could find my voice, "It's ok, really. I get it; you two were 'Jake and Bells' long before there was ever a 'me and you'."
The tears fell freely down my cheeks time and I allowed them. He sounded so broken and detached, and I didn't know how to fix him—how to make things right between us again.
"Quil—," I started, but he cut me off.
"Please don't," he begged. "Not right now… please."
I nodded and stood, knowing my time with him was now over and I should leave. My heart ached, the holes that had been previously filled, ripping open ever so slightly once more. One of the two men—not boys—that was in love with would have their heart broken.
My mind was already made up. I knew who I wanted my heart to belong to, who I wanted I love completely and entirely. I just hoped it wasn't too late.
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