"Sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just being alive is a good thing." - Agatha Christie
An: Originally written for the Fandom for Preemies fundraiser. Dark themes, rated M. AH.
Broken yet Still Breathing: Prologue
They say your life flashes before your eyes right before you die, but of one thing I am certain - mine did not. There was no movie reel of memories or quick changing mental images. I didn’t even think in that moment.
Instead, I felt.
I felt peace and finality, and a sweet release from my ever consuming guilt. So, no, I didn’t see my life flash before my eyes before I died, and for that - I was grateful.
**BYSB**
There’s crunching, screeching, metal on metal, and then there’s nothing. It’s the scariest feeling of all, and I’m not sure what has happened, and yet – it’s familiar.
I feel as if I’ve been deserted on an island without even the waves to calm my anxious nerves. Darkness surrounds me, and even his voice has gone silent, though I can feel his presence nearby, surrounding me.
I try to move, but I cannot feel my body; it is as if my mind has been severed from the rest of me. There is no numbness, no tingling sensations, just – nothing.
I’m frightened, and it’s cold here - in this lonely place of non-feelings and silence. It feels as if time has stopped, and I can no longer know how long it’s been since I was last in touch with reality. Has it been days, weeks, or merely minutes?
Slowly, my hearing returns, and I begin to take notice of the chaos around me - the continued scraping sounds of metal, wailing sirens in the distance. A voice nearby is speaking to me, but their words are muffled, as if they were speaking under water. I don’t understand and want to tell them that I can’t hear what they’re saying, but my mouth refuses to cooperate; I say nothing.
I wonder again where I am, but the cold continues to creep through my body, chilling my veins with its icy grip. A shudder wracks its way up my spine, followed by a sudden surge of pain. Somehow, I am once again connected with my body, the sensation taking me by surprise, and it feels as if I’m being ripped apart from the inside out; I cry out in agony, squeezing my eyes shut and wincing. I can see his face, smiling, it was such a good night. One mistake. Just one time. Where is he? I have to open my eyes and find him. A fission of jagged pain rips through my spine when I attempt to turn my neck. I bite down on the inside of my cheek until I taste blood.
It is over almost as quickly as it began, the numbness has returned, and again I am still. In exchange my vision changes from black to hazy, as if I am trying to search my way through the dark with only a nightlight to guide me. I am unable to focus on the dark shapes moving around me, it makes my head throb like a thousand beating drums. The sirens grow louder, and I try to focus on them, try to remember how I ended up in this dreadful place.
But I can’t. This thought scares me most.
The sounds around me shift, one noise rising above the rest, very close to my ears - loud, high-pitched, and never-ending. I want to make it stop, to scream for it to shut-up, because it’s not helping to cease the beating drums. It’s another several minutes before I realize that the sound is me. Subconsciously my mind must realize the pain I am in, agonizing screams escaping my mouth. My body, however, is still numb to me.
I quickly quiet myself, gritting my teeth together instead; the relative silence is most welcome.
Someone is touching me then, I can feel their hands on my arm, on my face, and then a light is shining in my eyes. I think for a second that it’s him, that he’s okay but something reminds me that can’t be right. I see no one but the light, the garbled sound that must be their voice irritating me because I still can’t hear them.
The flashing blue and red lights blur together, blinding me. Shapes that were taking form dissolve into it. It finally registers that whoever is touching me is trying to help me, to save my life. But it’s not me that needs saving, it’s him. I try to scream for them to help him, to leave me be - let me go, but I can’t form the words, only moans. Someone, please, help him … he will die, let me go … help him.
A dark shadow shifts in front of my vision, and I can feel myself being pulled under by it, threatening to consume me. Perhaps I was under water after all, slowly drowning … His voice taunts me, sounding clear among the garbled voices, “I’ll drive.” I want to claw my way back to the surface, to find him, but it is too late, and I can tell that I’m already gone.
No comments:
Post a Comment