– Author Unknown
An: Beta'ing credit entirely goes to Buff82. She's brilliant.
Chapter 15: Year Two: Recovery, Discovery
June
My arm rested lazily across my face, blocking out the sun’s rays as I lie on the beach. Renee was lying on her stomach beside me, her nose buried in a fashion magazine. We were doing the mother/daughter bonding thing – her words, not mine – and making up for all the time lost between us since my move to Washington over four years ago. Besides, in truth, I had missed my Mom – and the sun. I’d grown accustomed to a different kind of warmth over the years, but I had been living in the cold this past year. It was nice to feel heat on my skin once again. Digging my hand lightly into the sand, feeling the individual grains against the pads of my fingers, I decided it was a healthier warmth, good that I didn’t need to rely on another person for its source.
It hadn’t been a hard decision to spend my summer in Florida. I had already been dubiously plotting ways to avoid returning to Forks, and what I should tell Charlie that wouldn’t raise his suspicion. Even if my heart was healed, as much as it would ever be, I wasn’t ready to go back there. I didn’t think I’d ever be. So, Renee’s call just two weeks before school let out had been more than welcoming. She and Phil bought my plane ticket while I was on the phone, overly eager about my acceptance of their invitation. I already planned to have my things packed away in a storage unit in Seattle until I returned and my new place was ready. I’d heard from Angela after I left that she had Ben already moved into our old place, and they were enjoying their newfound living arrangement.
My first week in Florida had been uneventful, mainly consisting of shopping and trips to the ocean front. I was so happy to feel happy that I even allowed my mother to schedule us a joint spa appointment. I just secretly hoped that Alice didn’t see – she’d be disappointed that she missed out. But overall, I was content to relax, to let myself experience things I didn’t typically enjoy, because it was a new year, and I was reinventing myself on the hopes that things would continue on an optimistic path.
The following day, I stood outside the airport staring at the sun as Phil unloaded my bags from the car. I had spent a full month in Florida, and when it came time to say goodbye, I was a blubbering mess. Hugging Renee, squeezing her tight around the middle, not wanting to let go, I felt the tears trickle down my cheeks. I hadn’t realized it would be so difficult to leave after seeing her again, though I made promises to visit more often; for both her sake and mine. And, as I walked through security and gathered my things to head towards my gate, I looked back one last time, a smile on my face, and waved at my teary-eyed mother.
August
I had one week until school started, and it was a mad dash to make sure I had the right schedule, the right books, and that my internship with a local editing company was still set. I’d been so busy over the summer between my trip to Florida and the move into my own place, that I had yet to have time for anything academic. In other words, I was utter chaos in the form of a hundred-and-ten-pound girl.
After returning to Washington the first week of July, I spent a couple nights on Angela’s couch, because my new landlord mixed up my move-in date, and my apartment was not ready yet. I was frustrated, but grateful to have such great friends.
My new place was smaller, just a studio, but I didn’t mind since it was only going to be for the next year, maybe two. Alice helped me decorate, and I willingly let her take the reins, subtly reminding her that it was my place and not hers, so she needed to tone it down. She grudgingly agreed, and I was happy with her end result.
It was with her help that I was finally able to sort my busy schedule out, and we got everything in order for the start of the new school year. My senior year. It was almost impossible to comprehend that it would be my final year of school, and I would be tossed to the ‘real world’ after that. But if I had learned anything recently, it was that I could survive just about anything, not only survive, but thrive. My life had become about moving forward, and I was more than excited to begin the next chapter – whatever that may entail.
September
My birthday was just around the corner, and I would be turning twenty-one. Typically I wasn’t much of a drinker, not even in my early college days or when spending time with the guys back in Forks, but Leah felt that it was finally time for me to act my age.
I couldn’t argue with her – not that she would’ve listened if I had.
Apparently the excuses of homework, lack of coordination, and possible bodily harm, were not good enough this time around. It was with that in mind that I found myself in a pair of skin-tight jeans, a flowing, shimmery tank - that reminded me of certain sparkling vampires, and a pair of low-heeled boots; all courtesy of Alice, of course.
I found a the bags of clothes lying on my bed when I returned from classes, and I had called her immediately; both to thank her and to complain that she’d bought me something. Though I made her agree that the outfit counted as my birthday present, I was certain she’d ignore our agreement and buy me something else anyway.
Despite the fact that I’d already been living in Seattle for three years, I knew very little about the nightlife it offered. I spent my first two years driving back to Forks every chance I got, and then the last year trying to mend a broken heart. This would be another first for me, something else I was doing that would require me to step outside my comfort zone. I suddenly felt that I should be making a list: Bella Swan’s list of things to do before I died.
The night was … fun, surprisingly enough. Leah and Angela arrived at my place around seven, and we all got ready together for our night on the town. We took turns taking sips from a bottle of champagne that Angela had brought with her in celebration of my birthday – though we both knew I was celebrating a lot more than just turning a year older.
We, and by that, I mean Angela and I, were already buzzed before we left the apartment. Our giggles echoed down the hall on the way to the elevator as Leah just walked behind us and grinned. Damn her and her wolf genes that didn’t allow her to get drunk like the rest of us.
The night was spent bar hopping from place to place, enjoying the different atmospheres of each. My favorite event of the night, however, was watching Leah challenge grown men in drinking games, and then taking great pride when they’d cave long before she did. I called her a cheater as she handed me another shot of funny smelling liquor, completely ignoring the fact that her face was blurring in and out of my vision.
I’d crawled into bed that night, after spending a considerable amount of time praying to the porcelain gods as Leah held my hair, promising that I’d never drink again. After seeing Angela the following day, she whole-heartedly agreed.
October
I went on a date.
An actual date, with flowers, dinner, a movie at the local drive-in, and an awkward, end-of-the-night kiss; like I said – this year was different. He was nice enough, a fellow intern at the editing company I was working at, and a year older than me.
I smiled at his flowers – yellow daisies, and I placed them in a vase before left. We chatted over dinner, and I learned that he’d taken a year off to travel before going to college. I answered questions about myself, although making sure to leave out anything including Quil or the supernatural. During the movie, I even allowed him to hold my hand.
But when he touched me, it didn’t tingle, it didn’t have that spark. His voice was soft, but not like velvet or deep warmth or sensuous. The man was nothing like the men from my past relationships, though all things considered, that was even more a reason of exactly why I should be dating him. It made me question idly as I sat watching the old black and white movie flicker light and dark against the screen in front of us, his hand holding loosely to mine; had the tingles been a bad sign? Perhaps a warning that it was too intense a connection? Those tingles, that spark, gave you a much great chance of light yourself on fire.
I had been with both a vampire and a werewolf, how was any mortal person supposed to compare? I knew the point was to date someone “normal” so that they went with my new, normal life, but it always felt – wrong. And, at the end of the night, when he kissed my lips, I realized that while it may not have been right, it was good enough.
In all, I was proud of myself for taking the leap and going on the date. He was good, he was normal, and for once that sounded rather nice. Listening to my heart had brought me pain so many times before. I felt that it was time to let logic lead the way, and logic was telling me to move on and accept what I cannot change.
December
At many points in my life I have been taken by surprise, shocked by the events of the world around me. You’d think that after being around vampires and werewolves, very little would catch me off guard; I had learned to ‘go with the flow’ as they sometimes say. But nothing, and I mean nothing, could’ve prepared me for the shock I received on Christmas Eve.
Charlie only had taken three days off around Christmas, so he could drive up to Seattle a visit me. I had yet to see him since July when he’d visited me briefly one weekend. It was a sad reality, considering I was only a two hour drive away; I was steadily working on my issues with returning home.
I suspected nothing when Charlie called to make the arrangements for a visit, though his tone was off, and he seemed more uncomfortable than usual while speaking to me. I suspected nothing when he begged off my invitation to stay at my apartment, offering for myself to sleep on the couch so he wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel room. I also suspected nothing when he requested that he take me out to dinner, as opposed to letting me cook; Charlie loved my home cooked meals.
So, when I arrived fifteen minutes early to dinner, you can imagine my surprise when I found Charlie already waiting for me. And not alone.
There, sitting beside my father, her hand tucked away in his, was none other than Sue Clearwater, Leah’s mother. I’m certain my jaw dropped as I skidded to a complete halt just inside the door, blocking the exit for the couple trying to squeeze past me. I was certain that if I rubbed my eyes or pinched myself the image would disappear, because Charlie Swan did not date.
He glanced up and caught my stare, his nervous anticipation clearly visible in his expression. I knew he was worried how I would react, so I quickly rearranged my features and smiled in his direction, bringing my hand up to wave before heading towards them. I saw Sue rub her fingers across his knuckles lovingly, and I was struck by the thought of how comfortable they were with one another; this relationship wasn’t new.
My thoughts were confirmed as we ate, while Sue – because Charlie was still being an uncomfortable mute – explained that they had been dating for nearly six months, and they felt it was time to share their new relationship with me. Of course, my only thoughts were that if they had been together for six months already, then surely Leah must’ve already known. I’d be speaking to her as soon as I got home.
Over the next two days, however, any apprehensions I may have had about Charlie and Sue were swept away. I’d seen Leah’s mom plenty of times during my visits to La Push, but I’d never actually spent time with her. She was nice, sweet, and quite perfect for my father. But most of all, I could see how much they cared for each other, and I was grateful that they had found one another.
February
Nothing about this month had ever appealed to me. The candy, the flowers, the over-abundance of red and pink – it was all just unnecessarily stupid. And, yet, I stood in the aisle of over-priced, romantic, sappy crap, and picked out some treats for my favorite two valentines.
I briefly considered grabbing an extra box of conversation hearts for Andrew, my not-boyfriend-but-we’ve-been-dating-for-four-months, but then I thought of Jacob and the box of hearts he’d given me the first time we’d spent Valentine’s Day together.
I sighed, thinking of Andrew, or Normal Andrew, as Leah so lovingly referred to him. Although I can’t say that didn’t make me giggle. Things had remained the same over the past few months, nothing really of note had occurred. He was still a nice guy, he took me out occasionally. We talked on the phone sometimes, and even sent an email or two. I’d see him at the office and could always feel his lingering eyes, but it was creepy, it was sweet.
I tried to weigh exactly how I thought of him, feeling the small box in my hand. It felt too heavy suddenly, my brain immediately answering: he is not conversation heart weight, it doesn’t balance. I quickly shoved the tiny box back onto the shelf, and vowed that Leah and Angela would forever be my only two valentines. Love and boyfriends were overrated.
April
Spring Break, it sounds harmless enough. That is, until your non-boyfriend-but-thinks-he’s-your-boyfriend, decides to invite you to his parents lake house for the week, and you panic because you’re afraid it means you’ll finally have to take the next step in your relationship with him. So, instead, I was a coward, hiding in my apartment, claiming that my father had called and requested I come visit.
Poor Andrew, he didn’t know that I was still incapable of stepping foot in Forks; not that he ever knew in the first place. Needless to say, our non-relationship-but-really-was-a-relationship was over at that point.
May
Graduation had snuck up on all of us, the end of year full of last minute papers, forms, and each of us figuring out what we’re supposed to be doing with our lives. Angela was busy planning for her wedding in the fall, with my assistance of course. She had shyly asked me to be her maid-of-honor, and I was more than honored to accept the responsibility.
But while she was busy with wedding gowns, invitations, and catering options, I, on the other hand, was busy planning for a month of traveling. Between finals, finishing up my internship, and helping Angela, I had very little time left over to do so. Leah was already upset that I’d be gone for a month once again; apparently my departure last year to Florida had left her bored, and she had to resort to hanging out with the guys more often.
Alice had taken care of my passport, but even though I would rather not accept so much from them, I was still grateful to have one less thing to worry about. She also helped me plan my itinerary, picking out which cities were the best to visit. Sometimes it was helpful knowing someone who had been all over the world.
The entire trip was a graduation gift from my parents and Phil. I requested that I go alone (Renee was convincing herself she should go), but I knew my mother couldn’t handle being away from Phil for that long, despite her words. I had some potential jobs lined up for when I would return, and my rent was paid in advance, leaving me nothing to worry about except my freedom of being on my own.
Both Renee and Charlie, partners included, came to Seattle for my graduation ceremony. Leah tagged along with Charlie and Sue, and we joked behind their backs of how weird it’d be to be sisters if our parents were to ever marry.
I smiled proudly as I crossed the stage and received my diploma, feeling proud of myself for all I had accomplished. I could hear Leah and Charlie whistling louder than all the others I the crowd, despite how large a group it was; I knew it was them.
Afterwards, when I found everyone, I noticed my parents’ watery eyes, and I hugged each of them, thanking them for being wonderful parents. It wasn’t like me to be so outwardly emotional, but I felt as if it were something they needed to hear in that moment.
My flight was set to leave two days later, and I was prepared to take on the world – one city at a time.
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