Fate: Chapter 7

"A person has three choices in life. You can swim against the tide and get exhausted, or you can tread water and let the tide sweep you away, or you can swim with the tide, and let it take you where it wants you to go."

- Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider 

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

An: Co-writer status goes to Buff82 for this chapter, she's earned it.

Sometimes love feels like pain

And sometimes I wonder if it's all the same

Sometimes life feels just like rain

'Cause you never know

When it's gonna fall down on you.

"Wish You Well"—'Thousand Foot Crutch'

Chapter 7: Faith vs. Fate

QPOV

What. The. Fuck.

The mantra repeated in my mind as I ran, along with the occasional 'Are you fucking kidding me?' and 'This can NOT be happening'. Unfortunately for me, life as I knew it was about to change.

How could this happen? How could I-, no, I couldn't even finish that thought.

I had to get away from there. I knew what had happened, but there was no way I was ready to face the reality of it. My paws dug into the soft earth, letting out my frustrations through my inner wolf by pushing myself faster. It was the only way I could deal with the number of emotions that threatened to consume me. It was always easier to deal with when I was in wolf form.

Anger, irritation, love, confusion—all were on a rotating cycle, my mind unable to settle on just one.

I barely noticed the changing scenery around me, and before I'd even realized it, I'd run all the way into Oregon. The look on Bella's face as I ran from her flashed in my mind, and I forced my legs to halt their movement at the image.

She looked at me with so much love, and I knew that what had happened would break her. Even if I couldn't handle the situation I was in, I couldn't run from it either—I couldn't run from Bella. She meant too much to me.

Her name brought a stab of aching pain through my chest. The pain mingled and intertwined with the love I felt for her, and together the two emotions were so strong I collapsed under the weight of them. I whimpered as I laid there on the ground of some unknown wooded area.

"Quil, come home," Sam's 'voice' joined my thoughts. It wasn't a command, just a request, but I felt inclined to obey him anyway.

I forced myself back up from the ground and turned back in the direction I had come from, no longer concerned with the need to mask my thoughts. It was just Sam and I, and he already knew all of my well-contained secrets.

He didn't wait for my return before he started in, "What were you thinking, phasing like that? It was careless and someone could have seen you! There were shreds of clothing all over the ground for God sakes," he seethed, and I felt myself recoil mentally at the harsh words laced in with the alpha tone.

Panic suddenly settled in as I realized that during my impromptu phasing, I had forgotten to remove the most important thing—my future in a velvety casing. It had remained in my pants pocket, the tattered remnants now strewn across the ground, much like my life.

"I found it, don't worry," Sam assured me, easing my concern, and I mentally sighed in relief.

He seemed to have gotten the anger out of his system, and appeared merely sympathetic to the situation. I had no doubt he was thinking of how much my current situation mirrored his past one.

It wasn't long before I was coming up on the clearing near the outskirts of La Push. Sam was waiting for me.

He sat on his haunches, watching me as I paced back and forth in front of him. "You imprinted." It wasn't a question, but rather a statement.

All I could do was echo his thoughts in my own head, those two small words reverberated through my mind. I had imprinted, but it was nothing as I would have expected. A child, she was only a child.

"It's uncommon, but it can happen," Sam explained. "She's your soul-mate Quil, and you'll be whatever she needs you to be, even if for now it means just being someone who looks out for her."

What he was saying made sense, but I didn't want to listen. Words like 'soul-mate' and 'destiny' were something I'd spent the better part of the last two and a half years trying to pretend didn't exist. It seemed a cruel twist of fate that at the point I was at in my life I would be thrown such a major curve, and tonight of all nights, I thought bitterly.

Sam suggested then that we phase back so we could talk naturally, without the visual flow of my thoughts. I gratefully accepted the pair of pants he handed me, as well as the small, black velvet box.

It reminded me of what could have been.

Things had been perfect when I'd walked into that jewelers six months ago, the ring was the first I saw. And as cheesy as it sounded, it had called to me, and I knew I had to get it for her—it was the one.

Of course somewhere along the line, I began referring to the ring as 'her', much to Embry and Jake's amusement. I didn't know how or why I did it, but it became out inside joke when discussing my potential engagement.

I remembered talking to Embry that day when I came home from buying it. I'd be been a nervous wreck; palms sweating, nervousness practically seeping from my pores. Why in the hell I thought Embry would be any help was beyond me, but thank God for Jake.

At first I thought it'd be weird talking to Jake about wanting to ask Bella to marry me, but he'd seemed ok with the idea. And if he did have any issues with it, he was doing a fantastic job of hiding them from me.

"What do you think?" I asked for the third time. I could see that Embry was attempting to not laugh at me and my very 'girl like' freak out, but a warning glare made him realize that it was not the best time to be making fun of me.


"I think she'll love it," Jake offered, smiling broadly as he examined the tiny diamond ring in his hand.


"Really?" I couldn't help but ask, once again earning a snort and chuckle from Embry. Jake slapped upside the back of his head before I could and I shot him a grateful look.

Sam and I stepped through the line of trees that bordered a remote stretch of beach that the guys and I would often visit. As far as any of us knew, no one else was aware the beach existed, so it made for a great place for us to be ourselves. A cool gust of wind filtered salty sea air through my lungs, bringing me from my memories.

Six months ago seemed like only days ago.

Searing pain burnt through my fist as I punched the closest tree in frustration, and the wood splintered under the pressure. My hand began healing before I was even able to finish wiping away the blood; it reminded me of what I was.

I refused to believe one second could strip everything away from me. There had to be a way. Sam said imprinting only meant I would be what Claire needed me to be.

Imprinting, the word sent chills down my spine. I resented it, hated it, because in all my denial I had chosen blessed ignorance to the possibility of it happening to me; but once it did happen—it could not be ignored.

The sensation had been such a strange thing, the way the world seemed to go placid around me. In that moment everyone turned to black and white, even Bella seemed a faded gray tone of her natural hue. Claire, however, was a vibrant wash of color, and I felt an automatic tie that seemed forged in steel wires, pulling me to her. The fact that I had been able to turn and run from the connection between us was astounding in its own way.

Sam's heavy hand came down on my shoulder with a light squeeze, and I gazed at him imploringly, "What can I do?"

He only shook his head; the sympathy in his eyes was full and sad with experience. "I can't tell you what to do. This is a delicate matter, especially considering Claire's age." He paused, thinking for a moment. "What do you feel? In your heart, that is what you must listen to now."

I nodded in understanding as Sam sat on a rock near the edge of the forest. I resumed my pacing, my feet settling in the sand with each step. What did I feel?

Closing my eyes I saw Bella, smiling and happy to see me as the light material of her dress floated around her, shifting with the breeze coming off the ocean. My heart swelled. I still loved her; that had not changed.

Then I saw little Claire bouncing in her arms, and a new chamber of my heart opened. I wanted to protect her, make her laugh and smile. A smile I had never seen before, I longed for.

There was no mistake in how I felt. Although those new feelings toward Claire, foreign and different, were strong—it had not diminished Bella in the slightest. My heart had only grown, and there was room for both of them.

My mind was made up. I was going to fight for Bella.

"I'm not going to let some predestined bullshit interfere with my life and decide who I'm supposed to be with," I spat, suddenly feeling angry.

"You can't fight it," Sam shook his head sadly, and I knew he was thinking of Leah.

"I can." I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince, him or myself. "Bella doesn't need to know."

He was still shaking his head. "Don't do it," he was pleading with me, but it was no use. I loved Bella. I wanted to be with Bella.

"I have to try. I can't just lose her… I just, can't." It was my turn to try and make him understand. My life wasn't the same without her in it.

He took a deep breath before releasing it in a huff and stood from the rock he had been sitting on. "Ok, but just know that this will not end well," he started, locking eyes on me as he finished, "You will hurt her if you do this." With those final words he turned and walked away.

I stayed rooted to my spot, watching his retreating form. He was right, I would hurt her, but I was going to try with everything I had to prevent it from happening.

Talking with Sam had brought things into focus more so than they were, but I couldn't bring myself to return to the bonfire. Everyone I knew was there, several of whom were waiting anxiously for me to return and pop the question to Bella.

And while I knew I'd made my decision to fight for her, it didn't seem possible that I could continue in plan to propose; at least not at that moment.

Instead, I lurked behind the trees, watching as she sat alone on the beach in our spot. I felt guilt. She had come out to celebrate with me, and instead I'd abandoned her. Jake offered to drive her home, and I was thankful to him for looking out for her when I was not able to do so.

I knew if I ran quickly I could be at her house before she arrived, but I knew I'd need a few more minutes to gather my thoughts. As well as work up the courage to face her, knowing that I would be lying to her.

A half hour had probably passed when I finally began making my way towards Forks. When I arrived at Bella's house her window was still open, and I took that as an invitation that I was still welcome—that perhaps she wasn't too mad at me for my disappearance.

I could hear her downstairs, just hanging up the phone. I didn't venture far into the room, on the off chance that I was mistaken and she'd want me to leave. But after another half an hour Bella still hadn't come up the stairs, so I lied down on her bed to wait.

I started to worry that something was wrong, and considered going to check on her. Just as the thought passed through my mind the door pushed open and there stood Bella. I was so lost in thought I hadn't even heard her approach.

"Quil," her voice was surprised, yet sad. It pained me know I was the one to put that sadness there.

I couldn't bring myself to speak, so I watched silently as she made her way over to her dresser, removing her night clothes. She stripped out of her jeans and sweater, replacing them with the pair of sweats I had come to know to be her favorite—I couldn't look away. Her beauty still captivated me.

My eyes followed her as she climbed onto her bed, lying flat on her back beside me.

"You left." It was a simple statement, but it hurt more than any words ever could.

"Yes." I finally found my voice.

She turned her head to look at me. "Why?" Her eyes were filled with questions, confusion, and her unwavering love. I didn't deserve it.

"Can we not talk about it, not now?" my voice was pleading, my own eyes begging her to not push me for answers. She nodded in acceptance, though the confusion was still evident in her expression. She was giving me what I asked, always putting other before herself. My guilt grew stronger.

She rolled onto her side facing away from me. "Can you just hold me?" she asked softly, and I quickly scooted myself until her back was pressed firmly against my chest, my arm wrapped securely around her.

Bella laid curled into my chest, nestled into her spot. The feeling only fortified my resolve to keep the fact that I had imprinted from her. From what she knew of Sam and Leah's experience, there was no way I could make her see it would not be the same for us.

I listened as her breathing evened out, and I felt her shoulders rise and fall slowly under my arms. My chest tightened in a mixture of overwhelming pain and love. Sam's words whispered back in my head 'you will hurt her'.

I couldn't, I wouldn't.

I would make this works, Bella was too important to me. I wanted her, I wanted it all.

"Bella," I breathed quietly in her ear. She stirred with a light, sleepy moan. Her lids closed heavily, and I knew she was sleeping soundly.

"Sleep my beautiful Bella. I will make this right; I will make this work for us. It has to… I love you."